


Still With Me

by Bellatrix_Wannabe_89



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Barson Friendship, F/M, Flashbacks, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-21
Updated: 2019-01-21
Packaged: 2019-10-13 20:55:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17495219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bellatrix_Wannabe_89/pseuds/Bellatrix_Wannabe_89
Summary: Olivia swore she put it behind her. She was over it. It was so long ago and now she had Noah, she had Tucker... she was truly happy. But now the man who hurt her, who touched her without permission, who took her without consent wasn't just back but he was in charge of her, of her squad? Is it just a horrible coincidence or was there something even more sinister at work?





	Still With Me

**Author's Note:**

> So I’m working on getting all of FF.net stories transferred over to AO3. This story is actually fully written so expect an upload about once a week.

**1985**

_Round and round! With love we'll find a way just give it time! Round and round! What comes around goes around! I'll tell you why!_

A 19 year old Olivia Margaret Benson laughed as her boyfriend of two weeks Lucas Ryan spun her around, nearly spilling her beer, the third one she had that night, in the plastic red cup and almost knocking into the other couples dancing at the house party a fellow student was throwing.

She grinned at him as Lucas put his hands in her tightly permed hair and pulled her in for a kiss, pressing up against her thin athletic body.

The young couple pulled apart and Olivia couldn't help but laugh at the dorky smile on his face.

"Lets get you a shot!" Lucas had to yell over the music to be heard.

"Babe, I think I had enough," Olivia said as he dragged her over to the table that was lined to the hilt with alcohol.

"Come on, Liv," Lucas prompted with a grin of almost unnaturally white teeth as he grabbed one of the paper shot glass cups and poured a healthy amount of tequila in it. "You drank ten times this amount when you pledged 'Zeta Phi Beta'!" he told her with false over excitement, fingering her necklace bearing her Greek letters as he did.

"Yes, and I'm pretty sure I lost half my brain cells last year," she told him but nevertheless taking the shot glass from his hand.

"Yet you still would up on the Presidents List... Come on! Drink! Drink, drink, drink...!"

Olivia rolled her eyes as the people around her began chanting for her to down the shot but nevertheless she put the cup to her lips and downed the alcohol, letting out a slight cough as she did so.

There was cheers around her while Lucas wrapped his arms around her and kissed her again, moaning softly as he pulled in tight against his body.

"Another!" someone yelled to more cheers and before she knew it she had another shot in her hand and more chanting. Olivia swallowed hard before she downed that shot to even more applause and before she could even blink another shot was handed to her. Feeling stirred on by the crowd she downed that as well.

"That's my girl!" Lucas roared over the crowds cheers. Olivia swayed slightly, shaking her head when she saw someone begin to pour her another.

When the crowd finally accepted she wasn't going to take another shot and turned their attention to another girl Lucas leaned in close to her.

"You look so hot downing those shots," he told her, suddenly grabbing hold of her hips and pulled her in closer, kissing her as he pinned her against the wall.

"Lucas," she managed to say through his kisses. "Lucas, wait a minute..." He ignored her words and began sliding a hand up her shirt and pawed her breast. "Babe, slow down."

He moved his kisses from her lips to her ear, gently nibbling on her earlobe. "You want it nice and slow, baby?" he whispered, not taking his hand off of her chest.

"I don't want it at all," she said as she pushed his hand down.

Lucas sighed as he stepped away from her, crossing his arms. "Liv, we've been dating for two weeks now..."

"Exactly... Hell the only place you've taken me out is to coffee, McDonalds and here," she argued. "Plus I've had a few drinks-."

"You had three shots and three beers," he argued.

Olivia narrowed her eyes at him. "Lucas, why are you getting upset?"

"Because I brought you to this party and I'm not getting anything out of it!"

She swallowed hard as she looked at him. "That was a really shitty thing to say..."

"Well you're being a really shitty girlfriend."

The brunette teenager shook her head before she turned and stormed out of the kitchen.

Olivia headed for the front door and was only stopped when she felt someone grab her hand.

"Go away, Lucas!" she barked, whipping around, prepared to lay into who she thought was Lucas but instead she saw another man who raised his hands in mock surrender when he saw the angry look on her face.

"Sorry, sorry," the man apologized quickly. "I just- you looked upset, I wanted to see if you were okay."

The man was tall. At least six foot with a trim athletic body with light brown hair and soft brown eyes. He appeared to be in his early twenties.

Olivia sighed and leaned against the wall, crossing her arms in front of her chest. "No, I'm not okay."

The mystery man waited patiently as she shook her head. "My boyfriend is being an ass," she admitted. "Or rather ex boyfriend," she grumbled.

"Oh man... I'm sorry. Were you two together long?"

"Two weeks," she told him.

"Ah... Definitely a long term relationship that'll take you months to get over then."

Olivia couldn't help the slow smile that spread on her face. "You could say that."

The man chuckled and held out his hand. "Ben Taylor."

"Olivia Benson," she told him as she took his hand, unable to help the shy smile as he brought it to his lips and kissed the back of it.

"So Olivia," Taylor said putting his hands in his jean pockets. "You wanna get a drink and you can tell me all about your asshole 2 week old boyfriend?"

"I probably shouldn't have anymore to drink," she told him, already starting to feel the effects of the shots. "I'm gonna be useless all day tomorrow if I do."

"See now, this is where you have me wrong," he told her. "You assume I mean alcohol. There is plenty of juice and soda in there as well."

Another shy smile. "I'll take a diet coke."

"Diet coke it is."

The two walked back into the kitchen where thankfully Lucas was already gone. Taylor grabbed a red plastic cup and the 2 liter of soda, turning his back to her as he poured.

"So," he had to yell as he handed her the cup of soda, the DJ deciding to play a rather loud song at that moment. "You a student up at Sienna?"

Olivia nodded as she took the cup, taking a swig of the drink before she spoke. "I'm a Sociology major with a Criminal Justice minor, I just started my Sophomore year. You?"

"I'm graduating after this semester with a BA in Business."

"Very fun," she said as she took another drink of her soda. "What do you wanna do after school?"

"What?" he yelled again.

"I said what do you wanna do after school?" she raised her voice.

Taylor shook his head, pointing to his ear which Olivia just noticed had a hearing aid in it. "I swear to God I'm not making a move but you wanna go someplace quiet? My battery is on the fritz."

Olivia bit her lip for a moment and Taylor's held up his hands again. "It's completely fine if you don't want to, it would just be nice to hear you."

"No, it- its fine. Sorry, I'm just being paranoid," she told him, downing the rest of her soda before he grabbed her hand and the two headed towards the stairs. Halfway up the stairs though Olivia suddenly felt a rush of dizziness and she had to hold onto the banister to keep from falling over.

"Whoa," Taylor said with a short laugh, grabbing onto her arm. "You alright, Liv?"

"Yeah," she answered, shaking her head. "Yeah sorry, those shots I had earlier must have... must be hitting kind of hard right now."

"Well... here, come on, let me get you to a bed. You're about to fall down the stairs."

Olivia nodded and allowed him to help her up the stairs, the dizziness increasing with every step. By the time they got to the room she could barely stand up.

"Easy, I got you," Taylor told her, opening the door to an empty bedroom and shutting it behind him. Olivia just groaned as he all but carried her to the bed and laid her down on it. Her eyes fluttered and the room before her began to swirl. She tried to keep her eyes open but it was a struggle that, eventually, she lost

…

_Hard breathing, something wet and sloppy against her neck, something heavy on top of her. She opened her eyes, unable to focus on anything save for the pain that was radiating through her._

_She tried to move her arms but they felt heavy. Too heavy. Like something was weighing them down. Her chest ached. Someone was squeezing her breasts as tight as they could. She felt a deep persistent thrusting but her brain couldn't quite wrap itself around what was happening but somewhere, in the furthest recesses of her mind, she knew..._

" _St.. St- stop," she whimpered at whatever was causing her the pain. "Don't..."_

_The thing on top of her paused for a moment before it continued harder and faster than before._

_Olivia tried to struggle, tried to close her wide open legs, lift her pinned arms but nothing..._

" _Don't..." she moaned, letting her head fall from one side to the other, a sad pitiful attempt to shake her head no. "Please," she begged, trying desperately to see through the fog._

_The room began to get hazier and she knew within moments she would black out again. She forced herself to concentrate on the person on top of her and saw, for a flash of a moment, light brown hair and soft brown eyes..._

…

"Hey... Liv... Olivia, you awake?"

Olivia slowly opened her eyes, her entire body feeling like it was hit by a dumptruck. She groaned as she put a hand to her head, closing her eyes against the bright sunlight shining in the bedroom.

"What time is it?" she moaned.

"Just after eleven," Taylor told her, handing her a bottle of water and a bottle of Tylenol. "Those shots really went to your head," he said with a chuckle as he sat down on the edge of the bed.

Olivia didn't laugh as she took the pills followed by a chaser of water as she sat up. She felt sore all over. Not to mention the soreness between her legs...

"I... I don't..." She shook her head before she looked at him. "I don't remember anything..."

"I wouldn't either if I were you. After we got up here, you pounded down half a thing of vodka," he said with a nod towards the dresser where a tipped over empty bottle laid.

Olivia blinked, trying to remember some detail about the night before and coming up empty.

"No, I... I fought with Lucas... you got me a soda... Then... I didn't pass out right away?"

Taylor shook his head. "Nope. You were dizzy for a bit but then you went right back to drinking. I stayed here all night to make sure you were alright."

Olivia bit her lip as she looked down at herself. Her skirt and top was still on, the only thing she was missing were her shoes. But that soreness...

"Did we... Did we do anything last night?"

Another shake of the head. "No. Although it wasn't for a lack of trying on your part. In fact you uh... you found a vibrator in the dresser and you kinda went to town on yourself."

A hot red blush overtook her and she buried her face in her hands. "Oh God..."

"Hey no, I- I mean I didn't look. I actually stepped out for that," Taylor told her. "Went back in half an hour later and you were half asleep, told me you threw it out the window because it 'wasn't getting the job done', so I just took your shoes off, covered you up and slept on the floor."

Olivia couldn't even look up at him as she spoke.

"I'm so... so sorry. I NEVER act like that when I'm drunk. I don't know what happened..."

"It's fine, Liv," he told her with a charming smile. "We all do stupid stuff when we're drunk sometimes..."

She offered nothing in response, instead choosing to stand up form the bed but promptly sat back down as another bout of dizziness took over.

"Take it easy," Taylor told her, putting an arm around her shoulders. "Where do you gotta go, lemme give you a ride."

Olivia opened her mouth to tell him she was fine but the more she sat there, the more she realized she wasn't getting home without some type of assistance. So she accepted the offer and twenty minutes later Olivia was sound asleep in her own bed at her sorority house with a promise to call him later ot let him know she was okay...

She woke up hours later to someone knocking on her door. The aching soreness between her legs was still there.

She slowly slinked over to the door and opened it to Becca, a friendly intelligent redheaded Junior.

"Hey, Liv," the red head greeted her sorority sister with a smile. "We ordered some pizza for dinner if you're hungry."

"Thanks but I'm good," Olivia told her, leaning against the door frame. "I just need to take a long hot shower."

"Okay. You sure though? We got extra bread sticks," Becca announced in a sing song voice. Olivia gave her a short chuckle and nodded.

"Yes I'm very sure. But if you wanna be nice, you could sav-."

"Wait wait wait..." Becca interrupted, looking at her closely. A knowing smile appeared on her face. "So you and Lucas took the next step hmm?"

Olivia narrowed her eyes in confusion. "What? No, we actually broke up last night."

The red head crossed her arms and smirked at the brunette. "Oh yeah? Well whats that then?"

"Whats what?"

"That," Becca replied pointing to a spot on her neck.

Still confused as to what she was talking about Olivia headed over to her vanity with Becca following. Olivia moved her hair away from her neck and gasped as she saw what Becca had been talking about.

On her neck, plain as day, was a large unattractive hickey.

"No..." she whimpered, her hands beginning to shake as she examined it. "No no no no..."

"Liv?" said Becca, all hints of joking out of her tone. "Olivia, whats wrong? Whats the matter?"

Without offering any explanation Olivia yanked off her shirt and all but ripped off her bra, letting out a cry when she saw bruises in the shape of hands on her breasts as well as bite marks. There were bruises on her stomach and she was willing to bet her thighs as well. She examined her arms and found that her wrists were now bruised too...

"Olivia, what is happening?" Becca asked again, her voice now holding a twinge of fear. Olivia ignored her as she grabbed her shirt and yanked it back on, running out of the room with Becca following. She went down the hall a bit, all but slamming on the door of one of the girls who lived there.

The girl opened the door a bit irritated but her irritation turned to shock when she saw the person on the other side. "Whoa... you alright?" she asked, seeing the tears in her housemates brown eyes.

"You- you're a business major right?" asked Olivia, hardly able to get the words out due to her trembling.

"Yeah... why whats going on?"

"Do you take any classes with a guy named Ben Taylor?"

A nod of her head was her answer. "Yeah hes in my Global Business and Marketing class."

"Do you know where he lives?"

"The Elwood Apartments but- Liv!" the woman called out to her when Olivia turned and left without a single word of thanks, all but sprinting down the stairs and out the door.

The Elwood Apartments were single man apartments on the school grounds for the seniors and were only a quick ten minute drive between her sorority house and the apartment building.

Olivia parked in front of the building, not caring rather or not security gave her a ticket and ran into the building, her heart pounding as fast as it ever had before.

"Whats Ben Taylor's room number?" she barked at one of the students leaving the building.

"318 but-."

Again no words of thanks were spared and Olivia sprinted up the stairs and pounded on the door.

It took several moments but eventually she heard the door unlock and Taylor appeared, smiling at her. "Olivia! I didn't expect-."

What he expected no one would know because at that moment Olivia reached back and punched him as hard as she could, her high school ring she wore slicing quite a large cut on his face. Taylor fell into his dresser with a loud crash, grabbing his cut and bloody cheek. He steadied himself before he looked at her, his honey brown eyes wide with shock.

"The FUCK is wrong with you?" he yelled at her.

"You know what you did!" she yelled back, unable to stop the tears from gathering in her eyes. "Did you think- did you think I wouldn't find out?! That you could get away with it?!" she cried.

"You are insane," he barked at her. "I didn't do anything to you! I looked out for you last night!"

She gathered her hair with shaking hands and showed him the hickey. "You didn't do this?! You- you didn't cause the bruises or the- the fucking bite marks?!" she screamed pushing him with all her might.

It was like a light switched on. Instead of the astonished outrage he just smirked at her, crossing his arms. "No one will believe you."

Olivia swallowed hard but nevertheless stood her ground as he walked up to her. "You really think I won't tell the cops?"

"Go ahead. Tell the NYPD." He leaned in, grinning when she took a small step back, "I dare ya... You got drunk at a party where people saw you throwing back shots, you kissed one guy, went up to a bedroom voluntarily with another guy you were smiling and talking to... Not to mention you're underage and you looked like you belonged on the corner last night. They will laugh your ass out of the precinct."

Olivia felt tears well in her eyes as his words sank in... He was right. No one would believe her. No one believed her mother, why on earth would they believe her when she said she was raped under these circumstances?

Taylor must have known what she was thinking because he just smirked at her and shut the door in her face.

**PRESENT DAY**

"I can't believe you," Olivia spat as she paced the carpet in Chief Dodds office.

"It wasn't my decision," he argued for what felt like the hundredth time.

Olivia let out a humorless laugh and stopped in front of him, crossing her arms. "Really? Because the only people authorized to put people in SVU, much less a new commander, is you."

"One PP isn't comfortable with the idea of one of their commanders dating an IAB agent," he explained.

"We disclosed!"

"Yeah, AFTER he was questioned for sex trafficking and murder... I tried to fight for you. I did," he told her when she gave him a look of disbelief.

"Sure," she grumbled, earning a somewhat harsh look.

"But, _Lieutenant_ ," Dodds emphasized, reminding her just how much he outranked her and that she owed him the respect that came from being Deputy Chief. "Even I have people that go over my head... Okay and hey, I put your pride before my own sons career. They wanted to keep Mike in command but I told them it wouldn't be right for you to take orders from a Sergeant."

Olivia took a deep breath and rubbed her temple, doing her best to calm down and not further embarrass herself in front of her chief.

"Chief... SVU is my life," she said, her voice now pleading instead of angry. "Please. I can't give it up. Not again."

"No one is asking you to, Benson. You'll still lead your squad, you'll still be at SVU, you just won't in command of the whole precinct."

Olivia sighed as she looked at him for a moment before she sank down in one of the chairs in front of his desk. "How long?"

"For as long as it takes for you to prove to 1PP that you can do your job without letting your relationship interfere."

Olivia shook her head before she looked at Dodds. "I'm a good cop."

"You are," he agreed. "One of the best. Not to mention a damn good commander."

She leaned back in the chair for a moment before she spoke again. "Who's taking my spot?"

"A Captain from White Collar Crimes."

"So not even an SVU detective, we get someone who has never dealt with a sex crimes victim in their life... You couldn't spare another Lieutenant or Captain from another SVU?"

"You know how it is, Benson, every SVU precinct is short staffed. That's what happens when you can only take cops who volunteer specifically for a unit."

"Okay, I get why NY has that law in place, but it's stupid that you can pretty much play chess with every other Detective in NY and put them where they're most needed except SVU."

"I know but, nevertheless, that's how it is."

"But this guy volunteered?"

Dodds nodded. "Had to pretty much promise him his Deputy Inspector rank after this stunt but yes, he volunteered."

Olivia looked her boss in his eye. "Is he any good?"

"He's... It's temporary, Benson. That's all you gotta remember."

"Oh that makes me feel warm and fuzzy."

"Just keep your head down, keep doing what you do best, and you'll be behind your desk soon enough."

With a shake of his hand Olivia turned and left his office.

The ride back to her precinct was short and sweet and when she walked in she couldn't help but notice the unusual silence taking the place of the hustle and bustle of a police precinct. It wasn't until she noticed Carisi straightening out her contents on what used to be Mike Dodds desk overlooking the rest of the precinct, trying to make it appear like her stuff hadn't been tossed out of her former office and her new boss had actually cared about her things.

Olivia scoffed and shook her head in disbelief before she went over to him

"He didn't even let me clean out my own office?" Olivia asked as she approached him.

"Um... No, but he was really gentle with everything." Carisi lied through his teeth. "I was just, ya know, making it look better."

"You're a horrible liar, Carisi."

"Sorry, Lieu."

"Don't be, you didn't make this decision... Where did you move Dodds?"

"The spare desk by Fin. Originally the new Cap moved all your stuff over there but Dodds moved it over here. We all agreed it wasn't right a lieutenant had to share desk space with detectives when a Sergeant got this one."

Despite all that has happened she couldn't but smile at her youngest detective and felt a glowing admiration for her squad. "Thanks for that, Carisi..."

She looked in her old office and found it empty with the exception of two large boxes that she assumed contained her new Captains things. "Where is he anyway?"

"He's with Rollins in the break room."

Olivia thanked him again before she made her way into the break room. Rollins was leaning back against the wall while a taller fit man stood in front of her, what one could almost describe as a flirty smile on her face.

Olivia raised her brow at her detective and cleared her throat, gaining the blondes attention. Amanda stood up straight and the flirtatious grin disappeared.

"Um, uh, Lieutenant, I was just-"

"You're fine, Rollins. You're the new Captain I'm presuming?" she asked the man whose back was still turned to her.

The man turned and Olivia's entire world stopped spinning as her heart sped up and stopped at the same time, her breath stilled, her eyes went wide and her mouth fell open in shock.

A million different emotions rampant through her, all of them terrifying and angry and depressed... She wanted to run as far as she could out of the precinct as she could.

"Lieutenant Benson, very pleased to meet your acquaintance. I'm Captain Ben Taylor," the man with honey brown eyes and a long mean scar on his face said with very familiar smirk...

 


End file.
